In the 1996 slasher film Scream, a high school student and horror movie aficionado, Randy, lays out the basic rules of surviving in a horror movie. Because he worked in a video rental store and watched slasher films regularly, his tips carry a little more weight than most. His rules to successfully survive a horror movie are:
- Virginity increases your chances of survivability.
- If you drink or do drugs you have a higher probability of dying.
- Never say, “I’ll be right back,” “Who’s there?” or “Hello?”
Lets say that instead if a horror film, you find yourself in a zombie apocalypse. Zombieland, an undead classic, follows the shy student nicknamed Columbus and a gun-toting tough guy in search of a Twinkie. If you strictly adhere to Columbus’s long list of rules, you should be safe. (In addition to being one of the funnier zombie flicks, it is my all-time favorite Bill Murray cameo.)
Rule number one—cardio. When the walking dead roam the streets those last in the race will be first in the human buffet.
Other rules include:
- Double tap.
- Beware of bathrooms.
- Seat belts.
- Don’t be a hero.
- Limber up.
- When in doubt, know your way out.
- Check the back seat.
- Enjoy the little things.
Miscellaneous
- Never assume that the monster/bad guy is dead.
- Don’t go down into the basement or upstairs or outside or in the other room or just out of site. For that matter, don’t investigate strange sounds at all. Let your spouse/friend do it. If your spouse does survive, you will live is something worse than death for at least a week.
What rules would you add to the list? Comment below!
